You Know what I hate??!

Its that time again for my very favorite post (also a hit with my fans..ahem, i mean friends)- "you know what I hate?" Where I skim through my ridiculously extensive list of pet peeves, pick a good few ones, and just go off.
I hope you enjoy the following 3 I have selected for your ranting pleasure. They are very close to my heart!

Pet Peeve #35245624652-
You know what I hate???? Fat sandwiches. They annoy me. I roll my eyes at them. I mean, what's the point of making a sandwich so fat, it doesn't even fit in your mouth and you cant chew it bc its total exercise and then you get a bad case of TMJ trying to shove it in your mouth. Seriously?! Whatever happened to 2 turkey slices, 1 slice of cheese, 1 or 2 tomatoes max, and maybe, if theres space, some lettuce?? That's a good ol' American sandwich. Now all I get at the deli are these roided up sandwiches that instead give me anxiety rather than hunger fulfillment. And then when I tell Coco that "I hate fat sandwiches. I don't like anything fat", I set myself up for some really inappropriate joke on his end, that he loves to repeat each time I make that statement.
Note to sandwiches: Skinny is much more attractive. I vote for skinnywiches. I'm officially banning the fatwich. The next time a deli guy gives me a fat sandwich, I'm going to get my diva on and throw that sandwich in his face. Or better yet, jam it in his mouth. Oh wait. Cant. Bc it wont fit!!!

Pet Peeve #4563456354-
You know what I hate? Toothpicks. OMG do I hate toothpicks. I especially hate when guys keep them in their mouth and they are dangling with no purpose. First of all, its totally trashy. You shouldn't be cleaning your teeth with a toothpick in public to begin with. That's like, Etiquette 101. Secondly, its not a prop. Nor is it an accessory so please take it out of your mouth if you are talking to someone, hanging out with friends, driving your suped up Mitsubishi Eclipse, or trying to be all "gangsta". Note: It looks stupid on "gangstas" too. (see any picture of P. Diddy). And lastly and most importantly, its completely unattractive and not cool and you look like a total COMEMIERDA.

Pet Peeve #3563536-
And last but not least, you know what I hate? When couples say "We're pregnant!". No, "we" are not pregnant, the woman is pregnant. Thanks dad for being so elated you feel like your belly will also become the size of a hot air balloon, and your vagina will stretch out like a super sized rubber band when that baby makes its way out of its little dorm in your wife's (keyword being wife) body. Not the case, and I'm not taking away from the joy of childbirth from any parent-to-be because its a miraculous thing and I myself will one day be there, but lets be real. Theres only one person that's going to carry that baby and their body is going to morph into all sorts of weird- basketball face, swollen feet, pregnancy acne, an additional 50 pounds of excess weight, bad sleeping patterns, and maternity jeans. So forgive me for throwing up in my mouth and rolling my eyes at this sort of exclamation. And note to Coco, please don't ever say that the day that we are blessed with the most beautiful baby in the world. Because I will punch you in the face. (That goes for all my peeps out there too.)

Here's to you. Here's to me.

Kathy.