Ho! Ho! Ho! Maya Christmas everyone!
I hope everyone is recovering from food comas, sexy make outs under the mistletoe, and tacky holiday gifts! But I hope we all remembered what was really important today- baby Jesus' birthday ( do to think he keeps track of his age?!), spending time with family you love and hate and that inappropriate family member we all have to tolerate because it's Christmas, and cheesy Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel.
Maya is 31 weeks today! I'm officially 9 weeks away from my due date. In two months, coco and I are going to have a baby girl and people will now refer to us as "Maya's mom or dad" and not by our first names. Losing our identity one child at a time!
Maya is all about brain development this week ( hopefully she'll have her mother's elephant brain and her father's common sense). Her senses, minus her sense of smell, are already developed and she is keeping busy doing flips, turns, somersaults and twirls. Basically, my exercise regimen every Sunday. Not really. It's hard to describe the sensation I feel when she's ripping up the dance floor inside of me. It's simultaneously surreal and out of this world. She's measuring at over 16 inches and over 3lbs. I'm so proud of her.
Last night I had my first official horrible night of sleep. I feel like I need a pulley to help me get from my left side to my right side. The task is arduous and i feel like those morbidly obese people that are confined to their beds and can only move with the help of some sort of belted apparatus. Geez it's uncomfortable! And to add, I got an excruciating Charlie horse that almost made my leg fall off. So tonight I am sleeping on a reclining chair. Let's see how this experiment goes.
My feet are fat. They're wide and are retaining water and they look like clown feet. I miss my boney and veined feet. They were purdy. These don't belong to me. I'm also starting to experience shortness of breath. Since my uterus is growing and pushing up, all my organs are getting thrown around and rearranged like a disheveled sock drawer. I also can't sit or stand for two long so I have to alternate between the two.
Do you know what I think sometimes!? Obviously I know it's not possible but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it. Sometimes when I go to the bathroom to do my lady business, I think that if I push to hard the baby is going to pop out of me! Clearly this is unfounded but still it goes through my head. Also with sex, it's very common for couples to think they are hurting or poking the baby. I'm one of those (which is unfortunate for my husband!) I was reading that the baby stays real quiet during sex or actually moves as you groove. That's traumatizing to me and it weirds me out. And a sure sign that therapy sessions are imminent for this child! (and me) .
Coco and I are so excited for tomorrow! We are headed to Grand Cayman for our babymoon! Basically it's just another excuse to go on vacation but it'll be the last vacation coco and I will take alone before maya comes into the picture! I'm looking forward to planting my fat ass belly on a beach chair with my SPF 15 and 3 new books while I sip virgin piña coladas and Mai tais! I also plan to hang a "do not disturb" sign on my belly. Btw, this belly picture attached is not a prosthetic but my actual body which has been inflated to resemble a miniature blimp. It's kind of cool, fun to rub and jiggle. It's funny to hug people because I can't come in for a tight squeeze anymore since this little basketball is acting as a barrier! And no more squeezing through narrow spaces. Those day are temporarily over! I need to be greased and buttered to slither my way through any crevices.
So that's all for week 31 of baby buccio news! I hope you guys enjoyed my update and looking forward to filling you in as we near the finish line! I have to wrap it up because you know who is kicking my ribs to call it a night! Miss Maya needs her beauty sleep. Oh oh. I'm creating a mini me. And II'm a big fan of me so I'm excited about this but I can't say the same for everyone else. Ha!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Milf in training,
Kathy
No comments:
Post a Comment