*** DISCLAIMER: THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS BLOG BELOW ARE MY PERSONAL TWO CENTS. THEY HAVE NO AUTHORITATIVE CLAIM (THOUGH I LIKE TO THINK SO) AND ARE SHARED FOR THE SAKE OF AMUSEMENT AND FUN. IF YOU HAVE SENSITIVITY ISSUES AND CAN'T TAKE A JOKE, THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR YOU. IF YOU ARE WILLING TO MAKE FUN OF YOURSELF LIKE I HAVE, THEN RIDICULE AWAY! ***
We can all agree that Facebook has changed the way we communicate and interact in the 21st century. Mark Zuckerberg is to this century what Alexander Graham Bell was in the 19th century when he invented a little thing called the telephone. (which I'm sure lives in some artifact museum somewhere in the world or is collecting dust in your house, right?) In many cases, Facebook has advanced the soapbox of social media and has grown powerful in its technological resources and methods of communication whether you are messaging, poking, updating your status, creating events and movements, or simply posting your private photos for public consumption. In today's world, that's the way we are getting out what we need to say or vent. In a world laced with acronyms like "lol, omg, fml, wtf," Facebook, though brilliant, is just another way to minimize speech. All this can be done from a computer, a handheld device, and even from the luxury of your vehicle speakerphone. Yes, it is true. Some of the newer car models out today, have a Facebook feature where you can post a new update or check a friend's page all by speaking to a mysterious voice when it is summoned. It's very James Bond meets school girl chic. The point is, we have minimized the need for verbal communication, which in turn makes us humans, a little more socially awkward and dumb (sorry, but it's true), when it comes to one-on-one interactions. We don't know what to say because we are so used to writing it. We don't remember birthdays or anniversaries because now Facebook does it for us. it requires little effort on our end. Granted, I love Facebook because I hate the telephone so I think it's an epic addition to my social life. But i also have never been one to suffer from social retardation. I can banter with the best of them. I just find telephone conversations useless, for the most part.
Which brings me to my next point. There is a Facebook line that is a little fuzzy and often gets crossed. And that's the TMI/over sharing epidemic that we ALL have been guilty of, or we know someone (or some people, or sometimes our whole friend list) who constantly violates the over sharing policy. Now, there is no Facebook police giving infractions for such violations (even though there should be), but I, along with a few others, are always on the lookout for these violators who think it necessary that anyone cares about the idiocies that they post. Just a reminder, that even if your page is private, Facebook is still public. Duh. And all your 672 friends on your private page, are still reading and probably laughing or rolling their eyes at the crap you're posting( I'm sure I've been laughed at but very minimally). Not everything is for Facebook. I repeat. Not everything is for Facebook. You might think people care, but when you really think about it, probably only you, and your grandmother cares. No one else. Here are some status update blunders that are NOT okay and you probably should only be sharing in your head. Also no need to get sensitive if you know you are guilty of one or all of these. And the reason I can call the violators out is because I have been guilty of a couple of them myself. The difference is, I learned from my annoying mistakes/updates.
The Dead Wall- I'm sorry for your loss. I really am. Heck, I have lost a few people too. But to post it on your Facebook every anniversary or birthday is just emotionally exhausting for your friends who are forced to awkwardly read and respond to your post about your dead grandma or dad in heaven ("2 years ago today we lost a great woman! 11 months since we lost uncle john! we know you're in heaven"). waa waa. Also, dead people don't have Facebook. And I think it's safe to say that the only people that care about your dead relatives is your family. Facebook is not the dead wall or your own personal cemetery so try to honor and remember the dead other ways- like lighting a candle, buying flowers, and saying a prayer all in the privacy of your home and head.
The "Monthaverseries"- Oh geez. Don't get me started on these. They're prevalent with the younger set when it comes to a new relationships, newlyweds, birthdays, etc. When you post, "happy 5 month anniversary to my wifey/hubby!" Um, okay Kim Kardashian. Don't brag yet. Or I've seen a couple of these: "happy (insert # of months here) month birthday to my Maltese, Tinkerbell!!!" Monthaverseries are not meant as a celebration unless you just got out of rehab and you are counting your sobriety. I'll give you a free pass for that one.
The Quote Whores- No one loves a good inspirational quote more than me. I do love quotes and I love inspiration and following your dreams. It's all lovely and positive. What I don't like is the over quoters. The people who must update their status updates at least twice and even three times a day with motivational or inspirational quotes. Too many quotes seems desperate and attention seeking. Geez. We get it. You want to be inspired. But just FYI- just because you post it, it doesn't mean all your wildest dreams are going to come true. It still requires you to do work.
The "I think I work for ESPN" syndrome- I'm indifferent to sports. I can't necessarily say that I hate sports, because I actually like baseball, but when my Facebook wall is bombarded with stupid sports updates from retarded guys about a team, a player, a draft, a game, a season, etc, all I can do is throw up in my mouth. I HATE it and I roll my eyes. Especially college football. It's so annoying. Seriously, if I cared about "The U"' or "The Gators" or "insert sports team here", I would watch ESPN. Plus, is that the only thing that you can post about?? Is there anything else that's exciting going on in your life?? Or is your amateur sports career really taking off from your couch?? It's Super Bowl this week. I can't hardly contain myself.
The passive/aggressive bully- Facebook is NOT the forum to passive aggressively call out other people when you are pissed or annoyed. For starters, if you aren't going to directly call out a person by their name, then don't waste your time doing it on a status update. It does not make you cool or brave. It makes you look like a big tool that hides behind the Facebook wall and every one of your friends is making fun of you. So the next time you want to blast someone on Facebook, (i.e. "Who needs friends who are never there for you when you need them and then they expect you to be by their side. You know who you are?!!!!!") Why don't you just delete this "friend" and save yourself the passive/aggressive embarrassment.
The TMI mom- You probably have a few of these on your page. I personally, pregnant or not, cannot deal with those moms that over share. So your baby or kid is doing "pipi in the potty" or "did caca for the first time on their own!" or "my baby is colicky and won't sleep!" is not anything I really care to read (unless you are asking for feedback from other Facebook moms and they can message you privately. That's acceptable.) TMI. I'm not taking away from the amazingness of potty training, but it's just not something that belongs on your Facebook page. No one cares and it's gross. Unless the kid threw shit on your face, then okay. Because that's kind of funny.
The "I only take loser lonelies for fun" liars- I love loser lonelies! A loser lonely is an amateur modeling shot taking by you (in most cases) on a camera or a smart phone device making some sort of sexy face with fuck me eyes. It's when you know you look hot and want to broadcast it to the world. If you have it flaunt it! I love to post these on my wall. I don't post many, but when I do, they're smashing! I've always said self-absorption and narcissism are healthy in moderation. But then there are the those that are in the closet or try to pass their loser lonelies as "just something they do for fun or pretend." YEAHHH. Good try. If you are posting them on Facebook or going out of your way to make the Playboy come hither expression, there is nothing "pretend" about it. You are all about showing yourself off in your Facebook world. So stop lying and take responsibility for your loser lonely portfolio. You look more like an idiot when you deny it. And for those of you who post loser lonelies and you're still ugly, don't stop. We still like to use your material for comedic relief behind your back. Because making fun of people to their face is not right or nice.
The Debbie downers- I've hidden quite a few Debbie downers on my page. I keep some on my page though because we like to make fun of them. But these are the "friends" that make you want to kill yourself. These "friends" only post depre or sad updates on their Facebook. Anything from "I have a headache." "Not having a good day." or "When someone stabs you in the back, they aren't worth your time." "If you've been disappointed once by the same person, don't be surprised when it happens again." Goodness. Kill yourself. Debbie Downers are just like that amazing SNL skit with Rachel Dratch! Only they are chronically depressing. HIDE!
The photo bombers- I recently had to hide an extended family member from all my albums because she was a serial photo comment bomber. Not two seconds after posing a picture, I already had a comment. And then I had like 10 comments after a minute. It's too much. Don't get me wrong, I love when people comment on a picture or a two, but when you have to comment on 47 pictures just because you need to leave your mark, it's stupid. Same goes for tagging!
Where do apostrophe's go? - I'm a sucker for grammar. I can't stand when people can't spell or use punctuation incorrectly. Let me just preface this by saying that I still make grammar errors. When I do catch myself about to make a mistake or I post something with a grammatical error, I take it down immediately. I hate when people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" or "their" and "there". But nothing bothers me more than the misuse of apostrophes! Apostrophes show ownership- i.e. Kathy's laptop. The Buccio's kitchen. That's correct usage. What's not correct? - "Having coffee and biscuit's!" or "I love my kid's!" or "the Sierra's are going to Europe!". That doesn't make sense and you look like a dumb ass. Always proofread.
The Vague- I can't stand when people are vague. It drives me nuts since I'm super nosy. I'm convinced that vague people just want attention. They want you to ask them what they're referring to or what they're talking about. If you are posting a vague status update on your public Facebook wall, it's because you obviously want to share something with your 786 friends. Or you want 786 people to follow up your post with "TELL ME!!" Examples about straight up vagueness, "Got the best news this morning! Fingers crossed!" "Praying hard for something to come true!" Um, if you aren't ready to dish or share, be quiet. No one wants to play Guess Who? with you!
The political amateurs- It's an election year which means time for every die hard Republican (because it's mostly the Obama bashers that are getting "in your face" on Facebook ) to use Facebook as a political soap box and quite frankly, it's so distasteful, rude, and annoying. I'm not saying don't have an opinion about candidates, about a specific issue, or about a primary, but Facebook isn't the place to lecture all your friends on why Obama caused the economic crisis or Romney doesn't care about the super poor. It feels like your shoving it down people's throats. Whatever happened to respecting each other's political views instead of bashing? Funny enough, I was watching a local news segment yesterday on how political debates on Facebook cause many to "de-friend" some of their peers because they feel that their "friend" is being disrespectful or trying to forcefully impose their views on others. It becomes exhausting. Let's not forget what the purpose of Facebook is- to network, not to preach your political views. Whatever our views or outlook on elections, issues and candidates let's remember two things- none of us have ever been president so it's easier to preach doctrine if you've never actually held office. And secondly, let's agree to disagree respectfully. We like the fact that you have an opinion and you are involved and that in itself deserves merit. So don't knock each other. At the end of the day, we all want a better country. Facebook just isn't the place for haters.
Don't forget the lyrics- I mentioned this one to my husband the other day and he tells me, "well i like to quote lyrics because I do it in a clever way." Hmm. I don't know about that. I hate when people quote lyrics. (By now you are probably thinking, "Damn. Kathy hates a lot of things." Well, yes. Yes I do!) I especially hate when people quote lyrics when they just went through a break up. I get it. You're sad. I would be sad too. But I wouldn't go on Facebook and post lyrics from Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" or some Lady Antebellum song on my status update so I can make everyone else miserable. But why quote a song? I get you like it. Chances are I like it too, but I don't want to read them on your Facebook page. It's unoriginal and if I really wanted to know the words to a song, I would look for it online, just like I did when I wanted to memorize Missy Elliot's One Minute Man.
Which brings me to my next point. There is a Facebook line that is a little fuzzy and often gets crossed. And that's the TMI/over sharing epidemic that we ALL have been guilty of, or we know someone (or some people, or sometimes our whole friend list) who constantly violates the over sharing policy. Now, there is no Facebook police giving infractions for such violations (even though there should be), but I, along with a few others, are always on the lookout for these violators who think it necessary that anyone cares about the idiocies that they post. Just a reminder, that even if your page is private, Facebook is still public. Duh. And all your 672 friends on your private page, are still reading and probably laughing or rolling their eyes at the crap you're posting( I'm sure I've been laughed at but very minimally). Not everything is for Facebook. I repeat. Not everything is for Facebook. You might think people care, but when you really think about it, probably only you, and your grandmother cares. No one else. Here are some status update blunders that are NOT okay and you probably should only be sharing in your head. Also no need to get sensitive if you know you are guilty of one or all of these. And the reason I can call the violators out is because I have been guilty of a couple of them myself. The difference is, I learned from my annoying mistakes/updates.
The Dead Wall- I'm sorry for your loss. I really am. Heck, I have lost a few people too. But to post it on your Facebook every anniversary or birthday is just emotionally exhausting for your friends who are forced to awkwardly read and respond to your post about your dead grandma or dad in heaven ("2 years ago today we lost a great woman! 11 months since we lost uncle john! we know you're in heaven"). waa waa. Also, dead people don't have Facebook. And I think it's safe to say that the only people that care about your dead relatives is your family. Facebook is not the dead wall or your own personal cemetery so try to honor and remember the dead other ways- like lighting a candle, buying flowers, and saying a prayer all in the privacy of your home and head.
The "Monthaverseries"- Oh geez. Don't get me started on these. They're prevalent with the younger set when it comes to a new relationships, newlyweds, birthdays, etc. When you post, "happy 5 month anniversary to my wifey/hubby!" Um, okay Kim Kardashian. Don't brag yet. Or I've seen a couple of these: "happy (insert # of months here) month birthday to my Maltese, Tinkerbell!!!" Monthaverseries are not meant as a celebration unless you just got out of rehab and you are counting your sobriety. I'll give you a free pass for that one.
The Quote Whores- No one loves a good inspirational quote more than me. I do love quotes and I love inspiration and following your dreams. It's all lovely and positive. What I don't like is the over quoters. The people who must update their status updates at least twice and even three times a day with motivational or inspirational quotes. Too many quotes seems desperate and attention seeking. Geez. We get it. You want to be inspired. But just FYI- just because you post it, it doesn't mean all your wildest dreams are going to come true. It still requires you to do work.
The "I think I work for ESPN" syndrome- I'm indifferent to sports. I can't necessarily say that I hate sports, because I actually like baseball, but when my Facebook wall is bombarded with stupid sports updates from retarded guys about a team, a player, a draft, a game, a season, etc, all I can do is throw up in my mouth. I HATE it and I roll my eyes. Especially college football. It's so annoying. Seriously, if I cared about "The U"' or "The Gators" or "insert sports team here", I would watch ESPN. Plus, is that the only thing that you can post about?? Is there anything else that's exciting going on in your life?? Or is your amateur sports career really taking off from your couch?? It's Super Bowl this week. I can't hardly contain myself.
The passive/aggressive bully- Facebook is NOT the forum to passive aggressively call out other people when you are pissed or annoyed. For starters, if you aren't going to directly call out a person by their name, then don't waste your time doing it on a status update. It does not make you cool or brave. It makes you look like a big tool that hides behind the Facebook wall and every one of your friends is making fun of you. So the next time you want to blast someone on Facebook, (i.e. "Who needs friends who are never there for you when you need them and then they expect you to be by their side. You know who you are?!!!!!") Why don't you just delete this "friend" and save yourself the passive/aggressive embarrassment.
The TMI mom- You probably have a few of these on your page. I personally, pregnant or not, cannot deal with those moms that over share. So your baby or kid is doing "pipi in the potty" or "did caca for the first time on their own!" or "my baby is colicky and won't sleep!" is not anything I really care to read (unless you are asking for feedback from other Facebook moms and they can message you privately. That's acceptable.) TMI. I'm not taking away from the amazingness of potty training, but it's just not something that belongs on your Facebook page. No one cares and it's gross. Unless the kid threw shit on your face, then okay. Because that's kind of funny.
The "I only take loser lonelies for fun" liars- I love loser lonelies! A loser lonely is an amateur modeling shot taking by you (in most cases) on a camera or a smart phone device making some sort of sexy face with fuck me eyes. It's when you know you look hot and want to broadcast it to the world. If you have it flaunt it! I love to post these on my wall. I don't post many, but when I do, they're smashing! I've always said self-absorption and narcissism are healthy in moderation. But then there are the those that are in the closet or try to pass their loser lonelies as "just something they do for fun or pretend." YEAHHH. Good try. If you are posting them on Facebook or going out of your way to make the Playboy come hither expression, there is nothing "pretend" about it. You are all about showing yourself off in your Facebook world. So stop lying and take responsibility for your loser lonely portfolio. You look more like an idiot when you deny it. And for those of you who post loser lonelies and you're still ugly, don't stop. We still like to use your material for comedic relief behind your back. Because making fun of people to their face is not right or nice.
The Debbie downers- I've hidden quite a few Debbie downers on my page. I keep some on my page though because we like to make fun of them. But these are the "friends" that make you want to kill yourself. These "friends" only post depre or sad updates on their Facebook. Anything from "I have a headache." "Not having a good day." or "When someone stabs you in the back, they aren't worth your time." "If you've been disappointed once by the same person, don't be surprised when it happens again." Goodness. Kill yourself. Debbie Downers are just like that amazing SNL skit with Rachel Dratch! Only they are chronically depressing. HIDE!
The photo bombers- I recently had to hide an extended family member from all my albums because she was a serial photo comment bomber. Not two seconds after posing a picture, I already had a comment. And then I had like 10 comments after a minute. It's too much. Don't get me wrong, I love when people comment on a picture or a two, but when you have to comment on 47 pictures just because you need to leave your mark, it's stupid. Same goes for tagging!
Where do apostrophe's go? - I'm a sucker for grammar. I can't stand when people can't spell or use punctuation incorrectly. Let me just preface this by saying that I still make grammar errors. When I do catch myself about to make a mistake or I post something with a grammatical error, I take it down immediately. I hate when people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" or "their" and "there". But nothing bothers me more than the misuse of apostrophes! Apostrophes show ownership- i.e. Kathy's laptop. The Buccio's kitchen. That's correct usage. What's not correct? - "Having coffee and biscuit's!" or "I love my kid's!" or "the Sierra's are going to Europe!". That doesn't make sense and you look like a dumb ass. Always proofread.
The Vague- I can't stand when people are vague. It drives me nuts since I'm super nosy. I'm convinced that vague people just want attention. They want you to ask them what they're referring to or what they're talking about. If you are posting a vague status update on your public Facebook wall, it's because you obviously want to share something with your 786 friends. Or you want 786 people to follow up your post with "TELL ME!!" Examples about straight up vagueness, "Got the best news this morning! Fingers crossed!" "Praying hard for something to come true!" Um, if you aren't ready to dish or share, be quiet. No one wants to play Guess Who? with you!
The political amateurs- It's an election year which means time for every die hard Republican (because it's mostly the Obama bashers that are getting "in your face" on Facebook ) to use Facebook as a political soap box and quite frankly, it's so distasteful, rude, and annoying. I'm not saying don't have an opinion about candidates, about a specific issue, or about a primary, but Facebook isn't the place to lecture all your friends on why Obama caused the economic crisis or Romney doesn't care about the super poor. It feels like your shoving it down people's throats. Whatever happened to respecting each other's political views instead of bashing? Funny enough, I was watching a local news segment yesterday on how political debates on Facebook cause many to "de-friend" some of their peers because they feel that their "friend" is being disrespectful or trying to forcefully impose their views on others. It becomes exhausting. Let's not forget what the purpose of Facebook is- to network, not to preach your political views. Whatever our views or outlook on elections, issues and candidates let's remember two things- none of us have ever been president so it's easier to preach doctrine if you've never actually held office. And secondly, let's agree to disagree respectfully. We like the fact that you have an opinion and you are involved and that in itself deserves merit. So don't knock each other. At the end of the day, we all want a better country. Facebook just isn't the place for haters.
Don't forget the lyrics- I mentioned this one to my husband the other day and he tells me, "well i like to quote lyrics because I do it in a clever way." Hmm. I don't know about that. I hate when people quote lyrics. (By now you are probably thinking, "Damn. Kathy hates a lot of things." Well, yes. Yes I do!) I especially hate when people quote lyrics when they just went through a break up. I get it. You're sad. I would be sad too. But I wouldn't go on Facebook and post lyrics from Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" or some Lady Antebellum song on my status update so I can make everyone else miserable. But why quote a song? I get you like it. Chances are I like it too, but I don't want to read them on your Facebook page. It's unoriginal and if I really wanted to know the words to a song, I would look for it online, just like I did when I wanted to memorize Missy Elliot's One Minute Man.
Facebook Chain letters- If you don't send this to nine people, you will get hit by a car and live under a bridge for 5 years. PFFT. I hate chain letters and I hate the people that send them. Why? Because I have also been a sucker and sent chain letters for fear that I would get hit by car or live under a bridge. Gosh I hate myself for falling into the trap! But no more! However, chain letters have found their way onto Facebook. Those sneaky slime balls. Only this time they are in the form of Facebook updates asking you to re post because it's "sister week!" or "cousin day". And they are SO lame. They usually begin something like this "If you go to work 9-5 and come home to clean, cook, and take care of your husband....then you are a WIFE! Re post this as your status." or "Re post this to your status if you have a sister. A sister is someone you love but you also want to strangle. Who is always there for you when you need her and is a shoulder to cry on..blah blah blah." Seriously, who cares??? Why would I want to post this!??? Chain letters are stupid. They serve zero purpose but to instill fake fear in you. So if you are a smart person who has a brain and common sense, do not re post this.
Baby birthdays- I left this one for last because it seems to be debatable. I have many friends who think it's ridiculous when parents wish their kids a happy birthday or someone posts a happy birthday message on their friend's page meant for the kid(s). I can see how it can be completely unnecessary and silly to do so considering babies can't read and they don't have a Facebook page (and if they do, shame on you because you're an ass!). I don't have a problem with this. It really doesn't bother me all too much because birthdays are a nice milestone, especially kids' birthdays. (I do think their should be a cut off age. Like 9, before you hit the double digits.) It does bother me when it's worded in a way that's childish or goo goo gagaish or it speaks directly to the kids (i.e "Happy Birthday Steven! Mommy loves you THIS big!" "Happy Birthday to my Princess Carolina for being the bestest little girl in the world!" Um, Steven and Carolina can't read. Here's an alternate way to say it where it's not so hokey: "Happy Birthday to my baby boy Steven. God has blessed us with a great kid!") Do you see why that works better?? Because you aren't directly speaking to your kids on your adult Facebook page. Same applies to pets. And God knows I love my pets. But they can't read and don't have Facebook. But more importantly, no one cares. Don't even get me started on Dogbook. I do like a dog in a party hat, though. It's festive.
Who died and made me Facebook Nazi?!
What are YOUR Facebook pet peeve???
Here's to you. Here's to me.
Kathy.
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